


Ships In The Night

by TheQuietLoser



Series: Short Kpop Stories [2]
Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Bar/Pub, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Background Relationships, Blood and Injury, Character Death, Drinking & Talking, Drinking to Cope, Emotional Hurt, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Head Injury, Heavy Angst, Heavy Drinking, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lalisa & Jennie are friends, Major Character Injury, Near Death Experiences, Original Character(s), Out of Character, POV Third Person, Platonic Relationships, Sad Ending, Sexual Abuse, Strangers, Strangers to Friends, Therapy, Unhappy Ending, bambam is a bartender, jennie is older than lisa, lalisa and bambam are best friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:01:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27363925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheQuietLoser/pseuds/TheQuietLoser
Summary: Strangers meet, impact lives, part, and never see each other again.Kim Jennie and Lalisa meet at a bar for a moment, then part ways, never to see each other again, like ships in the night."You look like shit.""What do you mean?""You look ruined.", she pointed out. "Is that why you're here?"
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Lalisa Manoban | Lisa, Kunpimook Bhuwakul | BamBam/Lalisa Manoban | Lisa
Series: Short Kpop Stories [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2034109
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

Jennie entered the small building, a bar being the first thing she saw. Many colors of bottles were on display behind the counter and bartenders in black uniforms were attending customers or making drinks. It's been years since she's been to one of these places that she wondered why she finally gave in after so long. She walked up to the counter and sat on an empty seat next to a mysterious girl. The bartender talking to the girl turned his attention to Jennie when she sat down. 

"What can I get you?", he attended her with a friendly smile. His name tag read "BamBam".

"I'd like a whiskey sour, please." The bartender nodded and left. While waiting, Jennie's eyes started wandering around the pub, eventually landing on the girl next to her. She looked younger than Jennie yet more mature.

Her physical appearance wasn't what made Jennie's eyes land on her. It was the three empty shots and the full one in front of the girl. She seemed lost in her world, tapping on the edge of the full glass of vodka, slowly and repeatedly. When the girl finally grabbed the glass to drink it, Jennie stopped her. "You shouldn't drink another one. It's bad for your health.", she informed her.

The girl didn't say anything as she grabbed the drink from her hand, letting Jennie take it. "Bad day?", Jennie asked once she set the glass down away from the girl.

The girl briefly glanced at Jennie then nodded. By a small glimpse, she noticed the emptiness in the girl's eyes, piercing on her nose and lips, an expression seeming desperate for help, and her long, loose, black hair with blue highlights covering it all. In all honesty, it hurt Jennie just to look at her. "Don't worry. Life won't always be like this. You just have to stay strong.", was all Jennie managed to say.

The girl smirked at what Jennie said, chuckled even. The smirk faded quickly as the girl looked at the empty shots in front of her, déjà vu. Minutes later, BamBam returned with Jennie's order. She thanked him and he returned a smile. Before leaving again, he spared one last glance at the girl, a worried one.

He walked to the girl and whispered something to her that Jennie couldn't hear, not that she was trying to. The girl approved of him before he left, leaving Jennie feeling awkward. "Why are you here?" The girl's breathy, raspy voice surprised Jennie to where she forgot how to breathe. How ironic. They both stayed in heavy silences, taking sips of their drinks until Jennie spoke.

"Have you ever been in love?", Jennie softly questions, studying her glass. The girl hummed in response. "How about in love with your best friend who doesn't love you the same way?" The girl shook her head. "Word of advice, don't ever have an unrequited love or you'll end up like me.", Jennie chuckled, half-joking. They peeped at each other, awkwardly smiling. "By the way, how old are you? You seem young to be here."

"21.", the girl simply responded, then looked away. Jennie didn't want to push her to communicate more. Every time Jennie said a word to her, she tensed. Still, Jennie talked to her without expecting responses. After a while, the girl started to make progress by answering Jennie's questions with one word and making eye contact.

Needless to say, the girls ended up clicking the drunker they got. Days passed after the first night and the weather got warmer. Jennie returned to the bar at the same time one evening. Surprisingly, the girl she met the last time was sitting on the same spot Jennie remembered. Instead of drinking, the girl was smoking, an action Jennie didn't know was allowed in this bar.

She went to go sit next to her. As soon as Jennie sat down, the girl turned off her cigarette. They were silent like the first night. When the bartender approached, Jennie ordered a straight martini and the girl ordered a round of shots. Both silently judged each other on their orders but each was unaware. "What are you doing here?", Jennie's soft voice made the girl turn to her.

The girl was wearing different clothes from the last time but one wouldn't have noticed if they didn't look closer. The bartender returned with their spirits. At once, they drowned at least half of their beverages. It was rather funny, really. The girl started staring at Jennie, analyzing her, and Jennie grew self-conscious when she felt her gaze.

"You look like shit.", the girl innocently replied. That was strange to say because everyone would say Jennie looked fine.

"What do you mean?" Jennie looked at her outfit, then started fixing her hair, insecurities circling her mind.

"You look ruined.", she pointed out, making Jennie stop trying to fix herself. "Is that why you're here?"

Jennie cleared her throat. "We already talked about me the last time. Why are you here?" Jennie didn't want to talk about her problems yet. She spent all day ignoring them and she doesn't even want to think about them. However, knowing the girl from the bar, she wouldn't say anything about herself voluntarily. Jennie always had to start the conversations. "Family problems? School problems?" The girl shook her head to both questions.

"Relationship problems?" The girl hesitated on that. The hesitation made it clear to Jennie that it was the right answer. Jennie had an assumption of who her boyfriend was, if she had one. "You have a boyfriend?", Jennie asked. The girl didn't do anything, let alone respond to Jennie. Instead, she looked at her drink. "Is it that guy? 'BamBam' something?" The girl's eyes widened, being taken aback.

"What?! No! BamBam is my best friend! My boyfriend... is different.", the girl's voice began to soften. Secretly, Jennie was embarrassed by her assumption but she wouldn't allow herself to show it. Jennie noticed something odd about the girl. She was wearing long sleeves even though it was warm outside and hotter indoors due to the number of people in the bar. "Does he hurt you?", her voice turned serious.

"I'm not the one who looks like shit while drinking a straight martini. You're worse than me!" the girl pointed out, taking a shot.

"Says the one drinking pure vodka.", Jennie comebacks. The girl rolls her eyes.

"You're too vanilla to be drinking a martini. Excuse me for caring.", a hint of sarcasm could be heard in the girl's voice.

"First of all, you don't know anything about me. Second of all, you don't know that my best friend, who is also my roommate that I fell in love with, has a girlfriend now and it hurts to think about them together.", Jennie broke, some tears beginning to form but not fall. The girl's eyes widened by her sudden outburst but then, they softened. 

"I hear unrequited loves hurt, but is your roommate happy with her? Do you ever actually see you two together?" Jennie answered the first question with an easy 'yes'. She had to think about the second question but concluded that no, she didn't. She realized she had to let her friend go because he was happy with his new girlfriend. Jennie stopped drinking after the talk and for the first time since finding out, she smiled and thanked the girl next to her. This was the advice she was looking for.

"Are you going to tell me why you're here?" The girl furrowed her eyebrows.

"Why would I?"

"Because I told you about my problems. It's only fair, right?", Jennie says with a smile but it disappeared with the girl's following statement.

"But I'm not like you.", the girl's voice hushed. "And we're not even friends."

Jennie was confused. "Who said we're not friends?"

"Me. I don't even know your name and you don't know mine." The girl drowned another shot from her tray.

"Because you never asked."

"Because I don't want you to be my friend.", the girl snapped but her voice and expression were emotionless.

"Why not? Am I too old for you?" Jennie must've sounded stupid but it slipped out. She got even more embarrassed when the girl looked at her weirdly.

"I don't want you to be involved in my life. Can't we just be acquaintances who give each other advice?", the girl drowned another shot, seeming stressed by this conversation.


	2. Chapter 2

"If that's what you want, then sure. But I can't give you advice if you don't tell me about your life." Jennie's voice altered to a consoling tone. She reached out to put her hand on the girl's shoulder. The girl lit a new cigarette when she was running out of vodka to drink. She flinched as Jennie's hand got closer, causing her to retreat her hand.

"I don't need advice. I know what I'm doing" The girl took out some money from her pocket, placing it on the table. "See you tomorrow." And she left. Jennie went the next day at the same time, remembering the girl's last three words.

Entering the bar, she didn't spot the girl, only her empty seat. BamBam, the bartender, the girl's best friend, said she hadn't arrived yet when Jennie asked him about her. Jennie waited, ordering a Rosemary Mimosa. After a moment of boredom that felt like an eternity, the girl walked through the door, sitting at her usual seat. BamBam came over when he saw her, bringing Jennie's drink with him.

For the first time since meeting her, the girl was showing an emotion she was feeling: anger. When the girl saw BamBam approaching her, she pulled the money from her pocket, slamming it onto the table. "You know what I want.", she uttered in a monotone voice. BamBam looked at the money then at her, distressed. Seeing this, Jennie started to worry too.

"You know it's not good for your health-"

"BamBam, can you just do your job?", she snapped. BamBam shut his mouth, nodded, and left, taking the money. To say Jennie was stunned by the girl's sudden behavior would be an understatement. Her eyes trailed to Jennie then to the drink in front of her. "What are you celebrating tonight?", she spoke with a cold smile, her voice now calmer, it scared Jennie a little.

"N-Nothing.", Jennie stuttered. They stayed in silence until BamBam came back with 5 shots of vodka. At this point, the girl was immune to alcohol, for she drowned one of them as soon as BamBam left it like water. "You always come here to forget, don't you?" Jennie saw the same look from the first time they met in the girl's eyes getting worse the more she drank. "What are you trying to forget?". Jennie wondered.

The girl didn't react to her question at first, but then, once she drowned another shot, she whispered, "What's the point of trying to forget when you're stuck with it?". Jennie didn't know how to respond. Instead, she mimicked the girl's actions, taking a sip of her mimosa. "So tell me why you're so happy today." The girl's mood suddenly changed into a brighter one.

This girl could be an actress, Jennie thought. "I moved out." The girl's smile disappeared, she was bewildered.

"Why?"

"Because of him?", Jennie stated like it was obvious. 

"Did he do anything?" The girl was worried about Jennie now. How the tables have turned. 

"Yes. He got a girlfriend."

"Are you shitting me right now?" The girl's face was full of disappointment.

"You told me to let go of him!", Jennie argued. 

"I did not tell you to move out! Did you end your friendship with him?" The answer was obvious when Jennie didn't say anything. "How stupid are you? How could you leave your best friend like that?"

"You've clearly never been in a one-sided love before."

"But I wouldn't lose my best friend if I was. You should've talked to him, not ran away from him. I wonder what he must be thinking now-"

"It hurts seeing them together, okay?", Jennie cuts the girl off. "I don't want to keep seeing him knowing I'll only be suffering inside when I do." The girl couldn't say anything for she had never been in Jennie's shoes. But she knows running away never solves problems.

They always end up chasing after you. The girl drowned another shot. "Besides, I have you now." The girl looks at Jennie sympathetically.

"We're not friends, remember?", she pointed out. "Advice only." 

"Then when will I start giving you advice?"

"I don't know." The girl started to get annoyed.

"Earlier, why were you angry?"

"None of your business."

"It kind of is since we're each others' therapist." The girl gave her the look. "Please? I can't keep you here all night until you talk... so... I'll follow you until I see it myself. Only fair." Jennie takes a long sip of her almost empty mimosa. While Jennie shrugged her statement like nothing, the girl froze. 

"You're serious?" Her eyes widened when she saw Jennie's grin. The girl has seen that grin on her boyfriend's face before. Her heart began to race. Jennie nods. 

"I have nowhere to be tonight." 

"But I do. At eight.", the girl stated. She started to slightly hyperventilate. Thankfully, the next shot she took calmed her.

"You can skip it."

"No. I can't. It's work. He'll be angry with me if I miss this appointment.", the girl blurts out, instantly regretting it. Jennie didn't seem fazed though. 

"Then I guess I'll find out where you work." Smack. The slap was heard by others around them.

"Leave. Me. Alone.", she firmly stated. Jennie rubbed her pained cheek. The girl drowned one more shot and left the bar frustrated. Frustrated as well, Jennie followed her. 

"What appointment and who is Sungho?" The girl stopped when she heard Jennie's cry. She knew Jennie wouldn't leave her alone until she told her something, anything, about her life. And that made the girl more irritated with her. 

"God!" Yet, she thought it might be good to let everything out, so it wouldn't consume her anymore. After standing on the sidewalk in silence, the two comprehending each other's next moves, the girl walked back into the bar, Jennie following her. If she was going to tell her story, she needed her confidence. A lot of it.

She ordered shots from the nearest waiter and once they brought them, she drowned one and started to speak. Jennie began to listen. "Sungho is the love of my life... I need him... he needs me... to pay back his debts...", she said, swallowing shot after shot. Jennie wanted to stop her like the first night but didn't.

"Every night he can't pay... he uses me to... spend the night with them..." Jennie commenced worrying about what the girl was trying to say. As she went on, every glass the girl picked up shook in her hand, causing some of the liquid to fall out. She kept drinking. "I'm a slut, aren't I?... I'm not special... I'm sorry for disappointing you, Sungho... I'm sorry." Silent tears fell down the girl's eyes as her voice grew more reserved. The girl ordered beers at some point and consumed those too. After all the drinks she had, she started to rock back-and-forth on her seat, her eyes closing then reopening every 10 seconds. Jennie's urge to stop her was getting stronger the more the girl kept drinking but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

A sense of wrath started to develop in the girl's voice as she kept speaking. "A toy... that's all I am... a fucking... useless... object." Jennie springs from her seat at the site of the girl collapsing. Luckily, Jennie was able to catch her before she hit the ground and hurt herself. However, the broken pieces of the glass bottle on the floor and the blood pouring out of the girl's head showed she was anything but fine. Seeing the girl in her arms, everything began to get blurry. Her chest hurt but she held onto the girl in her arms. 

Many people were approaching the two to see what had happened. A middle-aged woman tried to calm Jennie down by demonstrating some breathing techniques, hoping Jennie would copy her. Someone else had called 911. When some customers tried to take the girl from Jennie's arms, she held on tighter to the bleeding girl. BamBam emerged from the crowd, heading straight for the girl in Jennie's arms.

The ambulance had arrived and took the girl to the emergency room. The only person that left with the girl was BamBam. Still on the floor in shock, blood all over her clothes, she thought of the boyfriend and how he had ruined this poor girl. Knowing she wasn't going to spend tonight with that jerk calmed her but now, she was worried whether she was going to be alright. She broke down in tears as the middle-aged woman hugged her. "You have to leave him.", Jennie said, mostly to herself. "Even if you say you love him, you have to leave him."


	3. Chapter 3

The next day at the same time, she came back. As expected, BamBam nor the girl were at the bar so she left. She wished she could visit her injured friend but she didn't know what hospital she was in or BamBam's number to ask him. She prayed for her to be okay since then, even though she wasn't much of a religious person. Sometimes, she couldn't sleep. 

Over the past following days, returning to the bar became a daily routine for Jennie. About three weeks later after the incident, Jennie returned to the bar. To her surprise, there they were. BamBam and the girls were at the bar, talking to each other, reminding Jennie of the first night she came here. The overwhelming joy she felt in her heart exploded when BamBam spotted Jennie enter the bar, signaling her to come over.

The gesture made the girl turn around to face her. Walking over to the girl with bandages on her head and the boy behind the counter, Jennie saw a tall glass in front of the girl with a clear liquid inside. Closer, Jennie saw her eyes weren't as dead as before. She also took notice of the fact she wasn't wearing long sleeves. Her sleeveless arms exposed scars, bruises, and cuts. Some were old, others were new. 

The thing Jennie mostly focused on was the girl's lively eyes. But they seemed afraid of something. As Jennie sat down next to the girl, BamBam notified them he would go back to work. The two girls nodded, then BamBam left. Once he was gone, Jennie immediately turned her attention to the girl. "Hey, how are you doing?", Jennie asked. 

"I'm sorry for the trouble I put you through the last time." The girl in front of Jennie seemed different. The one she met was cold, quiet, and emotionless. This girl was shy, careful, and fragile. The piercings she once wore were gone. Her clothes were lighter, not as dark as before. It was her natural, raw self. Jennie liked this side of her. 

"Don't apologize if you needed to let out your demons." Even through Jennie's reassuring words, the girl still felt guilty but stayed quiet, drinking from the glass in front of her. "What are you drinking?"

"Water." That simple word made Jennie feel a sense of overwhelming joy, feeling her eyes tear up. The girl noticed this. "What's wrong? Did I do something?" Jennie didn't know what came over her but she embraced the girl into a tight hug. It felt right to do at the moment. 

The girl was confused by Jennie's sudden action, hesitantly patting Jennie's back in return. "What happened today?" 

"Nothing.", Jennie responded as she pulled away with a huge smile on her face. "Nothing at all." The smile on Jennie's face was one the girl had never seen before from her. She smiles back slightly for it was contagious, even though she was still curious as to why Jennie was here if nothing happened to her. "You told me BamBam is your best friend, right?", Jennie continued talking and the girl nodded in response. "I could see how much he cared for you the last time.", she mentioned. 

The girl nodded again, not knowing what to say. She took a sip of her water, waiting for Jennie to continue or trying to come up with a new topic to talk about. "How did you meet?"

"We met in middle school, actually.", the girl responded. "We've been friends since. Um, to be honest..." she paused. "He used to have feelings for me but I didn't feel the same.", she explained. Jennie's eyes widened in surprise. "So even though I don't know what unrequited love feels like, I know what it's like to be the one they're in love with. But as you can see, he's still my best friend after all these years." Jennie smiled, proud the two friends were able to make it work. "To be honest, if BamBam left me without an explanation, I don't know what I'd do without my best friend. I think that's how your best friend is feeling right now.", she explained.

Jennie's smile turned into a frown as she took the girl's words deeply. "But he has a girlfriend.", she whispered, only for the girl to hear it. 

"Friends are just as important. Who else is he going to run to when his girlfriend breaks his heart? Besides, friends become family and family never leaves each other." 

Hearing the girl saying this made Jennie feel guilty for being selfish. She really was stupid and the girl was making her realize it. "By the way, I've never asked. What's your name?" The words came out of Jennie's lips so naturally, she didn't regret them. 

"Lisa. Lisa Manoban. I'm 21, an Aries, and my birthday's in March. Just some facts about me. You?" The girl smiled. 

"I'm Jennie. Jennie Kim. I'm 25, an Capricorn, and my birthday's in January." Jennie reached out to grab Lisa's hand to shake it. Lisa let her, shaking Jennie's hand when they touched. To keep a conversation going after their handshake, Jennie asks about Lisa's occupation. Lisa responded saying she was unemployed. From Lisa's response, Jennie questioned if she had any plans for the future. Lisa shook her head and it instantly went silent with the atmosphere changing. 

The silence felt different than the usual one when they ran out of things to say to each other. Jennie wanted to ask about it but she didn't, knowing Lisa hated when someone invaded her privacy. They ended up talking about after the last night they saw each other. BamBam had helped Lisa leave her boyfriend and comforted her during the heartbreak. Jennie was relieved even more that Lisa didn't have to deal with her ex anymore. Due to the circumstances, Lisa moved in with BamBam in his apartment. 

Everything they talked about that night felt like a breath of clean air for Jennie. The worry forming in the back of her head disappeared when she saw Lisa smile. It was a night of celebration. Jennie got what she wanted tonight. She was able to talk to Lisa and give her the best advice she could. Before parting ways, Lisa tightly hugged Jennie to the point where she could barely breathe. Jennie returned the hug. "Thank you. For everything. I'll never forget you.", Lisa mumbled into Jennie's shoulder. Jennie heard it and smiled. 

"Thank you for everything, Lisa. I'll never forget it either."

"I'll miss you.", Lisa muttered as they pulled away.

"See you tomorrow, Lisa." Lisa smiled. 

"See you tomorrow, Jennie." 

The next evening, Jennie returned to the bar that had a special place in her heart. When she arrived, BamBam and Lisa weren't present because she couldn't see them anywhere. For that reason, Jennie asked one of the bartenders for BamBam's whereabouts. The bartender said BamBam had taken time off due to personal reasons. Jennie guessed Lisa was comforting her best friend during this time, so she left the bar. 

The following days were converted into a cycle. Jennie would arrive at the bar, see they're not there, then leave. As days passed, BamBam and Lisa's absence started to feel too long, causing Jennie to grow anxious for them. What troubled her the most was the fact she had no way to contact either of them. The cycle finally ended four weeks later after their disappearance. 

Tonight, as she entered, there stood BamBam behind the counter, cleaning a glass with a rag and a serious look on his face. He felt someone staring at him so he looked up to meet Jennie's eyes. His eyes widened when he saw her, then he leaned over to whisper something to the nearest coworker. He left his position and came out, walking to Jennie. Before Jennie could say 'hi', he hugged her. 

Jennie didn't know what to do, especially when she felt him cry on her shoulder. This hug reminded her of the tight hugs Lisa and Jennie had exchanged the last time. However, this one broke Jennie's heart by the way this man was clinging onto her like he would fall if he didn't hold on. "Hey, what's wrong?", she asked in a soothing voice while patting his back to comfort him. She looked around, searching for someone. "Where's Lisa?"

The grip around her waist tightened. "I-I don't know... she just... she's...", he tried to talk but he couldn't. He couldn't say anything as long as tears were pouring from his eyes. Every time he thought of the words trying to come out of his mouth, the more real they became. Especially when he said them. "She's..." 


	4. Chapter 4

Jennie lifted BamBam's head from her shoulder so he could look at her directly. "Where is she?", Jennie's tone was stern now. BamBam started to feel guilty because of the change in her voice, though he's pretty sure he would have reacted the same. Jennie's eyes started to water as if she wanted to ignore what BamBam was trying to say but she couldn't. She knew it had happened. Something had happened to Lisa. 

"She's... I found her..." He took a pause, swallowing the lump in his throat and wiping his tears, though that did nothing as more followed. Jennie had already caught up, but she still needed to somehow hear the words to prove them. "She's gone."

For a moment or two, the world around her froze. When she felt her first tear leave her eye and land on her cheek, she looked at the broken eyes in front of her. "You're lying.", she calmly stated. Jennie became desperate to find any signs saying this was a joke. That maybe BamBam would start laughing and Lisa would appear behind the counter. But when BamBam broke down to the floor wailing and grabbing the attention of everyone around them, rage began to build up in Jennie. 

"You're fucking lying!", she yelled, pushing him back with all her strength, causing him to tumble until his butt landed on the cold floor. He looked up to see her running out the door. It felt numb. The world felt blank. She didn't know where or why she was running. 

She didn't know whether she was running away or towards something. But she stopped when her legs couldn't run anymore. Where she had stopped, a pair of headlights became visible the brighter they appeared. Like a deer, she couldn't move as they got closer. A faint, unclear cry was heard. 

She closed her eyes for a moment before she was pulled onto the sidewalk. In seconds, the car passed by her and she was being hugged. The warm embrace snapped her back to reality, making her finally break down in tears. She recognized the body hugging her, so she pulled him closer, trying to get rid of the inner pain. "Why... why did she do this?", Jennie asked once she felt she couldn't cry anymore. 

"I... I don't know.", he sniffles. BamBam tried his best to speak the next words while everything in his body hurt. "The next day after you last saw her... she wanted to get counseling or therapy... I agreed and supported her... I don't know what happened... Maybe she took too many?... I don't know." Jennie felt he took a moment of silence to think. "It's all his fault. It's all his fucking fault. He needs to pay for what he did to her. He needs to pay!"

The anger that suddenly appeared in his voice scared Jennie, yet she understood his outburst. There was a street lamp nearby, which BamBam started to punch repeatedly, letting all his bottled up emotions onto the pole. Jennie watched, not bothering to stop him. He collapsed to the ground crying with an injured hand, being in pain emotionally and now, physically. 

"I don't know what I'm going to do without my best friend.", he sobbed, holding his injured hand. The feeling of pain they felt was caused by the love that was once present. Maybe that love never disappeared, being the reason why the pain grew as each second passed. While Jennie only knew Lisa for a while, she impacted her life without knowing it, yet she couldn't imagine how BamBam felt. 

Hopefully, they would wake up from this nightmare and Jennie would have her talks with Lisa as they did since they met while BamBam could take care of her at home. Nightmares didn't turn into realities, right? So why did this one? Jennie never stopped wondering that, even onto the next day when she took the day off from work and BamBam took her to the cemetery. The beautiful day felt gloomy to the two of them as they approached the memorial. 

It was a simple tombstone. It contained Lisa's name, her birthday, death day, and a quote saying, "Forever remembered" in shiny, gold letters. Since then, instead of going to the bar, she would bring a bottle of liquor to the grave and drink. She would talk like the old times, except now, no one was there to respond to Jennie. She felt she was going crazy sometimes. 

"Why is it so hard for me to figure out what impact you had on me in the little amount I knew you? I know. You're not here anymore, and that hurts.", she whispered the last part. "To be honest, I'm shocked to see how much I'm hurt that you did this." With each sentence she spoke, she took gulps of the alcohol she brought, not thinking of the consequences of her actions. She kept talking, tears pouring from her eyes. 

"As always, my days are a struggle, getting worse as time passes. I wonder how it would be if these days, you lived while I was gone. Do you know if you would hurt as much as me? Did I have an impact on you?" Jennie tried to control herself from weeping and letting out her inner instability. 

"Um, I'm sorry for everything I didn't do.", a sob cut her off. Guilt swallowed her every time she visited this place. Her visits would often end with Jennie in tears, a bottle half empty, and her apologies. Other times, she would get so drunk, she'd have to call BamBam to get her. This piled on to the guilt she already felt with Lisa's death. 

"Do you know how I'm doing these days? I can't even fall asleep. I can't even swallow anything. And every time I come here, I feel more ruined but I can't help but to come.", she paused. 

"Even though I know I'll never see you again, I don't know how I can let you go.", she admitted. For a month, she didn't visit the graveyard after BamBam told her how unhealthy her coping mechanism was. Jennie knew it herself, so she listened to everything he would advise her, knowing Lisa would've been pissed if she wasn't living her life as she should've been. For those reasons, she fixed everything with her best friend. While she knew she still had feelings for him, the grief and guilt of losing the person she would talk to about this made her push back those feelings of love. 

During this time, she was desperate for comfort, not caring who she received it from. Nonetheless, she preferred her best friend, the one she grew up with, to give it to her. And he did. The next time she saw BamBam, he gave her Lisa's diary. Lisa's counselor had encouraged her to write down her feelings and she did, along with her memories.

While the diary was incomplete, the words written on every page could cut any reader. The diary showed Lisa wasn't a writer but she did as she was told, wrote down her memories and thoughts. Jennie couldn't count the number of times she cried reading it, even skipping a few pages when they were too much for her. Her end was uncompromising. Lisa could not live anymore. 

She had no choice but to surrender. Jennie returned to the graveyard with that in mind. Instead of a bottle of liquor in her hand, a bouquet replaced it. She cautiously placed it on the tombstone, a sad smile on her face. "Hey. So are you happy now?", softly, she asked as she stared at the golden letters spelling her friend's name. 

She tried her best to put on a smile at this moment but she couldn't. "Well, I'm just the same." She began to think for a moment. 

"What... are you up to now? Life has been... unbelievable. Um, my roommate and I are friends again, thanks to you, I guess. You're happy now, right? That I listened to you? Um... I read your diary. I don't know how you feel about me doing that. I understand why you never told me about your life. I couldn't save you from your troubles. I guess we were both walking in different directions. At least I know you're finally happy now with no pain. With that in mind, I'll say goodbye to you. Hopefully, in the future, we can meet each other again with a smile."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.
> 
> More information found here: https://my.w.tt/xP7sIlzk7ab


End file.
